We've hit a milestone.
March 18th 2004 at 8:25 AM was the beginning of a journey for the three of us. At that moment David and Kerstin became parents and Kellan took his first breath. He was whisked off the the NICU after a difficult pregnancy and emergency delivery then 5 days later safely ensconced at home.
As we all adjusted to our new roles all of Kellan's "firsts" were diligently written down. His first words, teeth and steps. His first foods, smiles and visits. His world was rapidly expanding. His first doctor visit, reactions to people and places as well as his likes and dislikes. Nothing went unnoticed. His first years were recorded, analyzed and worried over.
All of the first holidays were duly celebrated and obligatory photographs put into albums. They showed a chubby, happy baby with a smile that would melt the polar ice caps. A giggling bundle of wriggling curiosity.
Then time decided to fast forward. Yes, there were still firsts but fewer and farther between. Kerstin and David both had firsts of their own. The first time out without Kellan and Kellan's first time with a babysitter. Kerstin going back to work for the first time since Marrick was born. The first time we noticed something was "different" about Kellan and began to try to figure him out which led to Kellan being diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome.
Then there was the first day at preschool which began a fight to have Kellan educated in a manner that he learns best. That fight still continues.
Today Kellan is 5. Now we begin to fill the Book of Lasts.
You don't find that book on the shelf next to the ones that are preprinted to include the first immunizations (which we delayed) or the frames for newborn pictures. The Book of Lasts is written on the heart of David and Kerstin.
There one will find a record of things like the last time Kellan nursed at age 4. The last time he needed help putting on his shoes. The last time he ate a meal in a high chair. There are so many more lasts to come. The last time he will walk with us and hold our hands (though Kellan says he always will because 'big men still hold their mommy's hand'). Even the last time we will all live in the same house though that is far, far off.
So this book has to be quite large.
At five Kellan has grown into a spectacular little man. He is quick and bright and in love with his dog, Wall-E, as all five year old boys well should be. He has an amazing sense of humor and definite likes (broccoli, stripping himself naked and playing in mud and going downtown) as well as dislikes (certain noises, mommy singing and television). He is insatiably curious which has led to numerous trips to the ER as well as the library.
While Kellan is busy growing David and Kerstin are doing their level best to guide, educate and keep him safe. He is fast as lightning when it comes to getting into things and will completely dismantle electronic objects in the blink of an eye. His obsession with fans, gears and other things that spin lead him to learn about engineering and how things work. We both just wish he'd start learning how to put things back together.
He is slowly, but surely learning to love. He is difficult emotionally and socially but has made great strides. We can pinpoint almost the exact moment when he began to turn away from an adoring camera lens. Now he will, under certain circumstances, give us his "very best smile" and allow a snapshot or two. He has some little friends in Paige, William and Kayla who have helped him learn to share and play.He always looks forward to seeing them and to watch his eyes light up during a game of tag is nothing short of divine. To hear Kellan say "Those are my friends and I LOVE them!" is more high than a symphony.
So we begin again at five. The age where parents begin to let go and children begin the business of becoming their own people. We will never know if we have done our job well. Only that we have done the best we can. If Kellan winds up healthy and happy in life that is more than we can ask for and more than many people begin with.
Happy Birthday to our not-so-very-little boy!
_________________ Yo ho, haul together, hoist the Colors high! Heave ho, thieves and beggars, never shall we die!
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