If anything bizarre can happen on a short walk to the post office and the store, it will happen to me. I am just a magnet for the strange.
Sold a book on Amazon. Realized we needed sugar. Wanted to get our local weekly free newspapers too. Shoes on, coats on, book packed, money in the pocket, beautiful, cool spring morning. All is right with the world.
Hit the post office, ship the book. Get the sugar. My son is being a good boy, picking dandelions and sniffing tulips. I stop up at the corner to get the weekly papers out of the boxes and see a billfold/checkbook looking thing. Figuring someone lost it I pop it in the bag with the sugar and paper to take home and see if there's ID in it to call the owner.
Home again, home again, jiggety jig. Off with the shoes and coats. Out of the bag goes the sugar and paper. I check inside the billfold for ID but there is none.
There is, however, a crack pipe and some acoutraments.
Yes, I said a crack pipe. With "accessories" and all.
I don't want to put it in the trash because if the trash should get ripped open by our local raccoons or opossums (armadillos as my neighbor calls them) I wouldn't want one of the local kids to find the thing. I certainly don't want it in my house either so I call the police and explain my situation.
Over comes a very nice officer who checks the thing out, confirms that yes it is indeed a crack pipe and things that go with such and takes all my information for his report while my son tells him all about our walk and how he sniffed, but didn't pick, all the tulips he saw. And that mommy had a crack pipe.
The officer asked me how I knew it was a crack pipe. The only answer was the truth, inane as it is. I have seen them on "Cops". I give the officer credit for keeping a straight face.
I'm staying in for the rest of the day I think! I mean, really, why do I find this kind of stuff and not a bag chock full of unmarked, non-sequential hundred dollar bills??
_________________ Yo ho, haul together, hoist the Colors high! Heave ho, thieves and beggars, never shall we die!
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